Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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