What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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