Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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