I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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