Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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