It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize