I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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