i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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