Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
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Your cock deserves a montage
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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