So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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