he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize