why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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