I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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