i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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