So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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