Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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