i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize