He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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