Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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