ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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