..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize