Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize