Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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