I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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