oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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