Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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