She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize