I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
where are my eyebrows?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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