I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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