My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize