Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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