How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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