I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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