what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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