Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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