she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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