He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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