I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize