I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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