I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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