Screwed.edu
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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