I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
