I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
