i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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