Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize