Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize