Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
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Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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