I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
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