when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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