At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize