She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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